Over and over during the day, I think about Nolan. I think about Ashlee & Collin & how everything at this exact moment came to be. There is so much that most people don't know about. For example, a lot of people don't know that Ashlee & Collin were the only couple I contacted to be the adoptive parents of Nolan. I looked through hundreds of profiles in one night, found them and was positive that if I were to choose adoption, they were the ones I wanted to raise my child.
Not a lot of people know the pain you feel everytime you read about your child that you yourself don't have in your arms. To see 4 month old pictures and feel that pain all over again isn't the best feeling in the world, tell you me. I feel that everyday of my life. What it takes to not break down in tears everytime someone asks about your son, is incredible strength. To read blogs and e-mails in front of family, friends, my boyfriend...and to not start crying is so hard. I am so grateful and lucky to have such an amazing support system behind me to keep me going through the days.
Not a lot of people know that Nolan & adoption are the best things to ever happen to me. While I was pregnant, I was struggling to figure out how I was going to do this whole 'Mom' thing on my own. Where I was going to live and work. How I was going to support and provide for my child. I know there are many women that have done single motherhood from earlier ages than 19, but I guess that just wasn't in the cards for me. Halfway through being pregnant, I decided on adoption. From that moment on, I made some other major decisions in my life that have helped me already. It made me realize I needed to get a job, I needed to get into school, I needed to focus on my future and figure out things for myself before I include another person in the equation.
Nolan is doing fantastic. He is growing oh so big, and still looks just like mommy. 8 lbs 2 oz, 26 in long. Big baby :)
I, myself, am doing fantastic. Halfway done with school. Working full-time, which is gonna end soon. Gonna get a job that I like better than the one I have now, and focus on school more. I got out of the bad enviroment I was living in, and I'm into a better one now. I am so thankful for the people I have in my life. They helped make me who I am today. A strong, beautiful, independent, stubborn, 20 year old. And for this girl, it's bed time :)
Not a lot of people know the pain you feel everytime you read about your child that you yourself don't have in your arms. To see 4 month old pictures and feel that pain all over again isn't the best feeling in the world, tell you me. I feel that everyday of my life. What it takes to not break down in tears everytime someone asks about your son, is incredible strength. To read blogs and e-mails in front of family, friends, my boyfriend...and to not start crying is so hard. I am so grateful and lucky to have such an amazing support system behind me to keep me going through the days.
Not a lot of people know that Nolan & adoption are the best things to ever happen to me. While I was pregnant, I was struggling to figure out how I was going to do this whole 'Mom' thing on my own. Where I was going to live and work. How I was going to support and provide for my child. I know there are many women that have done single motherhood from earlier ages than 19, but I guess that just wasn't in the cards for me. Halfway through being pregnant, I decided on adoption. From that moment on, I made some other major decisions in my life that have helped me already. It made me realize I needed to get a job, I needed to get into school, I needed to focus on my future and figure out things for myself before I include another person in the equation.
Nolan is doing fantastic. He is growing oh so big, and still looks just like mommy. 8 lbs 2 oz, 26 in long. Big baby :)
I, myself, am doing fantastic. Halfway done with school. Working full-time, which is gonna end soon. Gonna get a job that I like better than the one I have now, and focus on school more. I got out of the bad enviroment I was living in, and I'm into a better one now. I am so thankful for the people I have in my life. They helped make me who I am today. A strong, beautiful, independent, stubborn, 20 year old. And for this girl, it's bed time :)
0 comments:
Post a Comment